


Bittersweet

by TheStarsHaveAligned



Category: Messiah Project - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, and ichijima lol, close to death experiences changing things but not all, haku being the storyteller dork we love, i'm all into bittersweetness, lost childhoods, mentions of shuusuke and souma, utopian alternative worlds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-24
Updated: 2016-02-24
Packaged: 2018-05-22 15:14:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6084498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheStarsHaveAligned/pseuds/TheStarsHaveAligned
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They say you appreciate the sweetness of things after eating something bitter. Haku wondered why even bothering eating something bitter in the first place; life was bitter enough as it was. </p><p>*Set after Dou no Shou, Haku's pov.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bittersweet

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lightningwaltz](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lightningwaltz/gifts).



> Happy Bday senpai ❤ ꒰･‿･๑꒱

Sleep deprivation does funny things to people; it turns some into grumpy, other to lazy, others to incredibly sulky, and others just look as if they may take your life with a look.

Haku did not like coffee -too bitter, no matter how much sugar or milk he added, it was never near his tastes. So he kept himself awake eating sweets, giving his body an extra source of energy he was not sure he needed anymore or was now nothing but a sweet placebo he accepted without much thought. Eiri on the other hand, drank coffee as if it was water. To a point the whole not falling asleep reached a new level and he behaved like an hyperactive mouse, eyes too open and movements too quick. He drank coffee because he could not -must not- fall asleep, and in return when missions were over he could not sleep because the effects of caffeine were still running through his body.

Currently what was keeping Haku awake was Eiri.

He tossed and turned in his bed and the rustling of sheets was but a distracting noise until in one of his turns he violently let himself fall to the side, the mattress' springs bouncing and squealing from the sudden weight and force of his body. Haku turned his head in the pillow and found Eiri's nose an inch away from his. And his deep and sleepless brown eyes frenziedly and desperately staring at him, almost begging him to make sleep come.

In any other circumstance Haku would have closed this small distance and peeked Eiri, his nose a tempting place to land his lips on, and yet. Eiri was not even blinking, all his nerves probably still raw and on edge with the caffeine rush. Haku sighed slowly and pushed his forehead against Eiri's.

"You should control the amount of coffee you drink."

Eiri made a disgruntled noise, but did not move away; instead he closed his eyes -either out of comfort or because of the too close proximity to Haku's face, and fidgeted with the sheets.

"The moment you eat less sweets I'll stop drinking coffee."

"That's not fair; and sweets do not affect me as caffeine affects you."

Eiri snorted in frustration, probably wondering for the uptenth time how Haku was not ever in a sugar rush, and Haku in return almost smiled. If he theorized maybe the size of one's body had to do with how much things affected or not, Eiri would surely groan in displeasure, kick him back to his full of chocolate wrappings and empty nany bricks bed, and turn his back away, and Haku was too comfortable with his forehead leaning on Eiri's. So he just let the silence peacefully envelop and lull them to sleep-

-Except Eiri was not lucky enough to be visited by the sleep tonight.

A sudden thought crossed his mind then, a spark of a memory, painful for a second even before any other feeling or recollection could form. There was no happy memory associated with that sudden thought, just the bitter aftertaste, the burnt tongue and sore pain.

He wished for a moment he could delete from his brain information just as he did with computer's database. But that would not erase the physical memory, the weight of his messiah's body in his arms, shallow breathing contrasting with his erratic heartbeat pounding in his ears.

Eiri was alive. He could not understand how even now, such fragile existence deemed to have extinguished in that moment. But he survived. He could have died in his arms, but he survived. He should be happy, joyful, but all that flooded his mind were dark scenarios where Eiri could have died. Where he could have lost him. Because he could not avoid Eiri getting shot, Haku almost lost him.

He could feel Eiri's breathing against his throat, so close the heat gave Haku soft chills that ran down his nape, and he knew his own breathing against Eiri's small nose and lips must be bothering him, but he didn't move, or complain.

This was one of these rare moments they were at peace, in a comfortable silence, almost an impasse of their lives. One of these rare moments that had become more common as in lately. Since then.

Close to death experiences change things.

And yet maybe breaking that small calm would not be that bad; mainly because Eiri was only calm on the outside and probably raging in the inside with the need to finally rest.

With a careful and slow calculated movement Haku uncovered his arm from the sheets and brushed some hair from Eiri's bangs away from his face, touching his temple in the way as Eiri's eyes followed his hand in curiosity before finally closing them at the feeling of Haku's fingers brushing his head, a soft wave of pleasure at the contact.

Haku let his fingers slowly wander massaging Eiri's scalp, the pressure of his fingertips varying when they ran up and down Eiri's head, and Eiri just sighed, slightly moving his body in a way that made the joints of his neck and column crack.

Not that Haku had a definite plan in mind or idea of where this was leading to; seconds ticked and encompassed his ideas like a metronome; make Eiri sleep, stir him. Relax him, rush him. There was no half point, and there was no decision taken, yet. Haku only knew he loved the feeling of Eiri molding to his touch like a cat that loves being scratched.

His fingers experimentally moved from Eiri's scalp to his nape and then upwards again, this time using more of his nails and less of his fingertips, and Eiri groaned, a soft guttural sound escaping his lips and making Haku lick his own. He pressed a bit more his forehead against Eiri's and shifted his head so his lips were aligned with Eiri's. It would only take a second, to close the inch between them and-

And Eiri was faster, his hands gripping Haku's collar and before he could process it, kissing him, a bit clumsily, a bit too roughly, a bit too fast.

Haku could only describe this kiss as slamming lips against lips and being glad teeth were not hurting in the process.

He thought about teeth just a moment sooner, as Eiri's mouth opened to capture Haku's lower lip between his teeth, and then slid his hands from Haku's chest towards his shoulders and neck, stopping then at the same point Haku's had frozen when Eiri had started his assault.

Eiri released Haku's lip and stared at him daringly, frustrated at how Haku's hands had stopped moving. Haku, on the other hand was both bewildered and expectant as to what Eiri would do next. Until this moment, his messiah had not started things even once. Not that things had escalated many times, but it had always been Haku the one to stir Eiri either by unexpectedly kissing him or touching him- Ah okay, maybe he started this too, but it wasn't his intention. Not entirely.

It seems Eiri had gotten the hint too early in the game. Not that Haku would complain in the sightless, but still, Eiri needed to sleep.

Sighing Haku slowly moved his hand from Eiri's head to his deft though small fingers gripping the collar of his shirt, and brought them to his chest, massaging his thumb to Eiri's skin.

“You need to sleep, Eiri.”

Eiri looked at him with incredulity before voicing what was already stated in his face.

“Uh? After you started _this_?”

“ _This_?”

Eiri huffed indignantly and tore his eyes from Haku's before barking some curse followed by a push to his messiah's chest that almost sent Haku out of the bed, and jumping his body away, turning to give his back to Haku.

“ _Ah shit,”_ Haku thought; _“now I've gone and done it.”_

“Eiri.”

No answer. Haku sighed deeply and pressed his finger to his messiah's back, earning a hiss from him and the movement, almost reflexively, of his shoulder blades- Eiri was ticklish there; note that down.

“Eiri... _Eiri_.”

“I'm trying to sleep!”

Haku could almost see Shuusuke jumping out of the bed in the room next door thanks to the decibels in Eiri's shout, and cringed a bit at what he knew would be a very disapproving look tomorrow, followed by a smirk on Souma's face. He was annoying Eiri, and the more he was annoyed, the louder he'd get. That was also applicable to other things but he digressed.

Committed not to let Eiri huff at him to death- or to sleep, whatever came sooner- Haku straightened in bed, making the sheets and blankets shift and earning another warning from Eiri, who was at this point just a step from turning around again and throttling Haku-

And he would have if he could but the lean man tree that was his messiah had decided that tonight either by excitement either by disappointment either by _death_ , there would be no sleep, and had mercilessly glomped him.

“Haku! OI HAKU STOP THIS-!”

“Stop what?”

Haku's mirth and chuckle made Eiri's frustration reach the roof.

“Are you kidding me?? THIS!!”

Elbows flew around and Haku avoided every hit as Eiri revolved as a street cat in the hands on a child; Finally after putting up a fight, he had to surrender to Haku's weight and arms around him.

“... You are asphyxiating me, beanpole.”

Haku could almost see the pout in his lips, which only made the task of not snickering more difficult.

“Okay, sorry. Do you want me away-”

“OF COURSE I DO!!”

Another yell like that and Haku was sure any minute from now either Shuusuke either Ichijima would appear through that door.

Hopefully not Ichijima.

For some minutes Haku stood draped like a human heating blanket around Eiri's less raging but still sleepless form. None would say a word, but this had become a comfortable cuddling position Haku knew Eiri had allowed so long, probably, he did not say a word about it from now on. Contrary to popular belief, it was very Eiri-like not to voice what he _really_ felt or wanted, just show displeasure or allowance towards it. Something that both soothed and drove Haku crazy with uncertainty. Not that it would stop him from trying.

“Oi Eiri... do you want me to tell you a story?”

Haku's nose pressed to Eiri's nape and with effort he suppressed the need to playfully nip him. Eiri shrugged between Haku's arms.

“I'm not a little kid-”

“I know.”

Haku knew. You can only go so far when protecting someone, even more when he's an adult. Sometimes Haku wished he had meet Eiri when they were both children so maybe he could have shielded him from danger and pain. So he could have healed him, and himself in the way.

Everything seems easier when you are a kid. The utopian dream of living at a place where adults could not reach, where even with all the hardships they would not have been tied to a cruel destiny of being used and abandoned, of being surrounded in lies and blood. Being adults hadn't make lives easier for sure. To survive only to fall into the pits of the Church was... a sick joke. So Haku liked to sometimes let his mind daydream of the alternative universe where he met Eiri when they were still innocent kids and they both ran away.

Eiri shifted under Haku's arms and turned to look at him in the eye. And as every time he did, there was a question. Eiri was full of them, and Haku had all the answers sealed away.

“What about.”

“Mm?”

Haku sleepily rose his eyebrows, sleep coming in waves he rejected and pushed away like a breakwater.

“The story. What is it about?”

 _Ah that._ Haku blinked a few times to wake himself a bit before answering, his voice a bit drowsy.

“Runaways. Children. Utopian alternative worlds.”

“Sounds like that might end like a dystopian story more than not.”

“Probably.”

Eiri was so down to Earth Haku softly chuckled at how ridiculous he had sounded enumerating the plot lines for his in-progress story. But then Eiri snuggled closer and sighed, pushing his forehead against Haku's shoulder, lazily but expertly hiding his expression from Haku's view.

“But I'm curious now.”

Oh. Eiri could say a lot more without words than actually speaking, and Haku felt a warmth in his chest- probably Eiri's hands resting there, making them both close and at the same time protecting himself, using them as the last barrier between Haku and him. Haku sometimes didn't know if Eiri was more scared of opening to Haku or of Haku opening to him.

Feelings after being suppressed for long, become a stifling source of worries. See, being kids would have made all this a lot easier.

They were... in a way, kids trapped in adult bodies now, in adult worries, in the adult world. Without the possibility of going back and recover their childhoods. Only able to move forward, and heal, slowly.

So Haku carefully embraced Eiri's small body, rested his chin atop his head, and proceeded to tell him a story made half in the way, half from his daydreaming fantasies' recollections. Of two kids meeting under fire and bullets, two kids with more reasons to distrust than to trust, but too eager and needed to believe in something, in someone. And so they ran away, dressed only in hopes and determination, leaving behind everything, and everyone else. Leaving behind all the worlds and possibilities tying them, and discovering a new and scary world, opening for them, only for them. Another world, another kind of cruelty, but this time, they were not alone. This time they had bonds, they had one another, to face this merciless adult environment and whatever might come from it.

And by the moment Haku realized Eiri was right and the story approached a dystopian end, Eiri was already deep into dreamland, granting Haku the relief of swallowing the bittersweet end.

Maybe in time, his daydream story would meet a happy end. Maybe if it was with Eiri he would not need to dream awake anymore.

 

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for all the shared headcanons senpai. I owe the inspiration for this fic to you :3


End file.
